Inner Thoughts

   Confusion…

What is this

      Twisting

      Turning

      Upside down

Feeling that plagues my dreams both awake and asleep

   Frustration…

How does it

     Grow

     Amplify

     Confound

Every piece of my being that struggles to stay grounded?

   Desire…

For something

     Elusive

     Distracting

     Improbable

Hovering tauntingly just outside of my grasping reach

   Desperation…

For that

     Lovely

     Perfect

     Impossible

Companionship possessed, it seems, by everyone but me

   Calm…

Amidst these things

     Nonsensical

     Absurd

     Unneeded

Forced down throats like fattening a lamb for feasting

   Acceptance…

Of not being

     Perfect

     Normal

     Conformed

To these expectations pressed upon me by those who

DO

NOT

KNOW

ME.

I am not in love.

I am not always happy.

I fall between the cracks of lines drawn to define the unthinking masses that wander without purpose.

     Wearing “in-style” clothing

     Watching “popular” television shows

     Listening to the “top hits” of music

Dating people incompatible with their souls

For the fickle acceptance and affection of hungry cannibals devouring innocent, gullible, thoughtless children playing at adulthood like a toddler pretends to be a fairy princess.

I am not normal.

Not by these standards.

I walk my own path.

     Fight my own battles

     Choose my own dreams

     Refuse to accept the lines drawn around me, through me

         Trying to remove pieces

                      To shape parts

                        To mold into something

Not.

Me.

   My soul…

Though it is

     Tainted

     Cracked

     Weathered

Is still my own and I will hide it

     Guard it

     Build high walls around it

Waiting, but not on hold, for someone worth giving it to.

Who will themselves

              Hide

               Guard

                  Treasure

                    Protect

My heart, as I do the same for the precious heart entrusted into my careful keeping

Someday…

             But not today.

So I will…

     Learn

     Grow

     Smile

     Cry

     Laugh

     Work

     Scream

     Flirt

     Dream

     Explore

     Defy

Find myself.

    For the day when I will finally, finally

                                        Find you.

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