Confusion…
What is this
Twisting
Turning
Upside down
Feeling that plagues my dreams both awake and asleep
Frustration…
How does it
Grow
Amplify
Confound
Every piece of my being that struggles to stay grounded?
Desire…
For something
Elusive
Distracting
Improbable
Hovering tauntingly just outside of my grasping reach
Desperation…
For that
Lovely
Perfect
Impossible
Companionship possessed, it seems, by everyone but me
Calm…
Amidst these things
Nonsensical
Absurd
Unneeded
Forced down throats like fattening a lamb for feasting
Acceptance…
Of not being
Perfect
Normal
Conformed
To these expectations pressed upon me by those who
DO
NOT
KNOW
ME.
I am not in love.
I am not always happy.
I fall between the cracks of lines drawn to define the unthinking masses that wander without purpose.
Wearing “in-style” clothing
Watching “popular” television shows
Listening to the “top hits” of music
Dating people incompatible with their souls
For the fickle acceptance and affection of hungry cannibals devouring innocent, gullible, thoughtless children playing at adulthood like a toddler pretends to be a fairy princess.
I am not normal.
Not by these standards.
I walk my own path.
Fight my own battles
Choose my own dreams
Refuse to accept the lines drawn around me, through me
Trying to remove pieces
To shape parts
To mold into something
Not.
Me.
My soul…
Though it is
Tainted
Cracked
Weathered
Is still my own and I will hide it
Guard it
Build high walls around it
Waiting, but not on hold, for someone worth giving it to.
Who will themselves
Hide
Guard
Treasure
Protect
My heart, as I do the same for the precious heart entrusted into my careful keeping
Someday…
But not today.
So I will…
Learn
Grow
Smile
Cry
Laugh
Work
Scream
Flirt
Dream
Explore
Defy
Find myself.
For the day when I will finally, finally
Find you.
twistedfaerytales 